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Post by SA Hunter on Oct 23, 2018 22:05:05 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Oct 23, 2018 22:17:57 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Oct 23, 2018 22:23:41 GMT 10
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Post by spinifex on Nov 12, 2018 18:21:25 GMT 10
For Pion.
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Post by spinifex on Nov 12, 2018 18:22:42 GMT 10
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Post by spinifex on Nov 12, 2018 18:40:06 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 14, 2018 17:01:30 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 14, 2018 17:08:57 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 18, 2018 19:23:09 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 18, 2018 19:24:02 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 18, 2018 19:26:02 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 18, 2018 19:27:06 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Nov 18, 2018 19:28:34 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 3, 2018 17:17:27 GMT 10
Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go through the pearly gates in Heaven.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.
Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too.I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th-floor apartment and found the guy clinging to the rail by his fingertips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died. ”
Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst..."I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment and I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th-floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up, I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest. ”
Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle and sent the man to the waiting room.
Saint Peter is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologises and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you.”
I don't know" replies the man. "Picture this, I'm naked, hiding in this cedar chest…."
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 27, 2018 22:38:38 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 27, 2018 22:50:47 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 27, 2018 22:58:21 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 27, 2018 23:01:54 GMT 10
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 31, 2018 15:19:08 GMT 10
One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. Nixon kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair. I don't think I could do that all day long".
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Ronald Reagan with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. all he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day", commented Donald.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this"
The devil smiled and said:
"OK, Monica, you're free to go".
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Post by SA Hunter on Dec 31, 2018 15:24:09 GMT 10
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"... The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died. "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
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