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Post by Peter on Aug 25, 2018 21:33:56 GMT 10
Not a joke, but a funny exchange with Little Miss tonight...
Her: Daddy, would you rather eat a worm pie or a cockroach sandwich? Me: I don't like bread, so I'll go the worm pie. Her: Seriously? It's the bread you've got a problem with?
How to confuse an 8yo...
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Post by Peter on Aug 25, 2018 21:34:36 GMT 10
To qualify, this is a question in a book she has.
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frostbite
VIP Member
Posts: 5,464
Likes: 6,979
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Post by frostbite on Aug 26, 2018 6:50:18 GMT 10
Smart kid. Maybe it's your profile pic, but for some reason I figured you too old to have young children.
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paranoia
Senior Member
Posts: 1,098
Likes: 1,252
Email: para@ausprep.org
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Post by paranoia on Aug 26, 2018 11:04:29 GMT 10
Not a joke, but a funny exchange with Little Miss tonight... Her: Daddy, would you rather eat a worm pie or a cockroach sandwich? Me: I don't like bread, so I'll go the worm pie. Her: Seriously? It's the bread you've got a problem with? How to confuse an 8yo... Maybe I take this route too often... I'd simply get a "Don't be silly Dad" from my 7 year old... They've learnt not to take what I say at face value. Such fun age for them to be at as they're asking plenty of questions, good to throw in at least 30%-50% fake answers so they know not to trust what they hear!
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Post by Peter on Aug 26, 2018 17:52:58 GMT 10
Smart kid. Maybe it's your profile pic, but for some reason I figured you too old to have young children. The whiskers are going in the silver direction more and more, but I'm not yet looking like The Most Interesting Man In The World (profile pic man). I'm early 40's. Mrs Pete is early 30's. This suits me well
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frostbite
VIP Member
Posts: 5,464
Likes: 6,979
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Post by frostbite on Aug 26, 2018 18:19:51 GMT 10
A wife 10 years younger. Lucky man.
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:33:55 GMT 10
There were four students taking chemistry and all of them had an “A” so far…
These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party.
They had a great time, but after all the ‘hearty party’ they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to school until later Monday. Rather than taking the final then, they decided they would explain to their teacher why they missed it, and request to take it the next day.
They said that they visited friends out of town, but on the way back they had a flat tyre. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the teacher placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy…. then they turned to page two.
On the second page was written…..For 95 points ……….. Which tyre?
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:37:56 GMT 10
Smart kid. Maybe it's your profile pic, but for some reason I figured you too old to have young children. The whiskers are going in the silver direction more and more, but I'm not yet looking like The Most Interesting Man In The World (profile pic man). I'm early 40's. Mrs Pete is early 30's. This suits me well A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:38:04 GMT 10
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator."
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?" "And so, here we are!"
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:38:50 GMT 10
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:39:28 GMT 10
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:54:17 GMT 10
You know your f*cked when the Asian says, "sh#t", during the test.
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the border.
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:54:23 GMT 10
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school... Teacher: "Whats your name?" Boy: "Nadir" Teacher: "No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today." Boy went home and his mother asked: "How was the day Nadir?" Boy: "I am an American now, so call me Johnny." Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised... Teacher: "What happened Johnny?" Boy: "Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists."
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:55:56 GMT 10
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!" Everyone in the bar stops and stares. Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing public situations." To which the guy responds as loudly as possible, "What do you mean $200 for a BJ?"
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Post by Peter on Aug 27, 2018 21:56:37 GMT 10
And that, people, is SA Hunter in Poltically Correct mode...
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:56:46 GMT 10
A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:57:00 GMT 10
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:57:38 GMT 10
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 21:58:36 GMT 10
An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
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Post by SA Hunter on Aug 27, 2018 22:01:33 GMT 10
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!). Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh, crap," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."
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